Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
