First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
