i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
