She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
