so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize