I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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