For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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