You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
