just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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