There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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