Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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