no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
