don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it's like iHOP with fire
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
