You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
