she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
