Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
