I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
people are starting to question the shark bite story
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
