Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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