Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize