just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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