I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize