i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
