so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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