just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
