so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
