One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
