so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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