just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize