Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
