my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
