He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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