I faked an abortion last night.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
