why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
