You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Damn victory sex feels great
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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