So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize