Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he was CRYING into my vagina
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
