ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize