I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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