giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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