I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
