I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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