and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
