Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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