i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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