SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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