evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
