your room smells of hookers.
And success
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
