when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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