There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
