Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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