How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
