I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
