Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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