I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
