I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
