Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
