The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
