When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
