Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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