dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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