you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
