and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
