Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
