She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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