Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize