i just made my gag reflex go away.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
