I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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