Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
